Believing in yourself

I sometimes ask myself:
Am I being true to myself? Or am I really liking what I really do? Did I really start up with an idea in my mind about ending up here?

I am sure this is not only applicable to me, whereas to many of us. If we are like most of the people then we probably aren’t being totally true to ourselves. So often it is that we end up doing what people expect from us, somewhere somehow loosing the track of the path we had chosen for ourselves. Maybe for parents, loved ones or just mere society, we jus give up.

What exactly do we want to do with our future? Not everyone has an answer. The reason we don’t is that when the desire comes we keep shooing it away. We feel it, we hear it calling, we know it’s there somewhere hidden in our unconscious mind. Because we know it that it might take too much work to convince everyone that we are not crazy enough to pursue such a dream and so we push it under the carpet.

We continue moving ahead with the same ol’ life secretly wishing for another way of life, something more fulfilling, something more meaningful perhaps or just something little more suited to our talents. Some people are luckier than the rest of us and they seem to know early on in life just what they want to do and they go ahead and pursue it. However if we are just the average, then we wont have the guts to have done this.

It doesn’t mean we can’t. We can start today doing more of what we love. Start now and find a way to incorporate all what makes you happier in your life. Start believing in yourself.

When Counting Sheep Fails

I should add that how much I like sleeping on a few occasions. But sometimes I find that when it is time for me to hit the sack, my mind starts running berserk. It is amazing where your mind can wander when you are ready to sleep. Sometimes, I replay things from office or at other moments, I replay things from school in my head. All the while I am just laying there thinking "shut up!", but it wont.

Though its not that bad, the thoughts I mean. They are pretty good and even helps me in many ways. But its just that if I really use up my beauty sleep for it, all what happens is that I end up with dark circles, dull faced, and being inefficient at work and that’s surely not good.

Even counting sheep hasn’t helped much. Its been quite irritating sometimes. Its something so much of an involuntary thing that I wanted to overcome.

Anyway, last night, despite my attempt at getting to sleep early so that I was bright eyed and bushy tailed for the long day of work plus a party to end the day with, I was kept awakened till about an hour from when I hit the bed.

What to do???

I'm not blaming you;I know you have it in you to make that change!! :)

I travel a lot and by lot I mean really lots. Everyday its about 50-60 Kms of travel for me, from my house at Begumpet to office at Gachibowli and these places are really far apart. I mean if you need to see both the places in Google Maps then you will really need to zoom out. And really this is not an easy part of otherwise very tough day.

Lets talk a little of Hyderabad and its people first. Here we have a city with an attitude "Jo bhi hone do, apun ko kya". A laid back city which still lives in yesteryears. A city which is still trying to adapt to technology and future. Not up with today's infrastructure not even with the thought of future. Now what happens when in a city like this people come out to race to their destinations. Havoc!!!

On my way, that is 25 Kms one way, I encounter so many encounters. Bike walas (Already late to office try driving their no way out of traffic) , Auto walas (Which run through the traffic like cockroaches run through the cracks),RTC Buses (Don’t even talk about them, everyone jus knows), Dump Trucks (Heavy with tons of load, still prefer the mid lane), and our own company transport buses (Just making up for the lost time in traffic).

Bumper to Bumper is what we call this traffic. And this is not because the number of vehicles are too many on road. No, this is very much expected from a city like Hyderabad, but the reason for it is inadequate traffic awareness. It has become a necessity for the drivers to follow the traffic rules, cos hereby a small mistake can create a jam as much as for 2 Kms. I wouldn’t just blame this onto the citizens alone. It is that that government has provided us with a infrastructure which is far more inferior than what is needed.

For example, jus recently we has some flyovers opened for public, but can anyone answer that till what extent has this solved our problems? I guess instead of solving them, it has made it worse, even at about 10 at night when I come back from office I see the flyovers jammed where without them there was free flowing traffic. Hope the government realizes the concept of bottleneck soon.

From encroachment of the roads by illegal properties, bad roads, not much of a useful infrastructure, to bad driving skills, Bad Parking, Red Light Jumping – everything leads to snail pace traffic movement. This is increasing the burden on already irritated citizen who works hard whole day and wants to reach back home at the earliest. We can just hope that atleast from the governments end, it is able to take care of this situation. But we must not forget our resposibilities to behave with and abide traffic rules.

ASAP… EOD… FYI… FYA

These are some very commonly used words in memo messages and emails, and practically these work as a lubricant in the software industry. All the day to day crisis must be dealt ASAP and till EOD. All the memos which need to be circulated for the good of no one are marked FYA or FYI.

As soon as you get to enter the office and check your mails, there is always a ASAP mail waiting to pounce on you. Now what exactly is ASAP ? -- As soon as possible.

But lets see it this way, try saying out “as soon as possible” it sounds docile, almost like -- “Hey, Whenever you get a chance”. But when it’s “ASAP” it sounds hostile, almost unreasonable, like “Better be it possible sooner”. And when some people try it like this -- “A-S-A-P” it is obnoxious.

The same is true with FYI, every time I see or hear it, my mind goes: “Sorry, but I don’t really think your words are that informative, so don’t FYI me!”

And just run your thoughts and ask yourself when was the last time anyone worked for a client when it wasn’t urgent, in their eyes at least. There was once I had received a defect where this client of mine mentioned the details with a post script saying “Get it done Super ASAP”. And now what is that???

Just think over it, ever noticed when people saying “Can you do this as soon as possible?” The logical the answer would be “No.”

I think the best interpretation to “ASAP” is “As Simple As Possible”. Or if we want to really use it then it can be “as soon as humanly possible”, probably because the urgency is indeed lost otherwise.

The only constant is change

All of us in the software industry are very aware of this concept, we live and breathe it.

The software business has got to be one of the most dynamic of careers, and I say that with the utmost of pride and contempt. All the technology changing like a roller coaster and all of us trying to run with it. Especially due to the super competitive environment, its all what is required to let this industry grow.

There are times that people successfully are able to really ace the technology only to find that the industry has moved on and the technology has changed considerably or the problem set itself has changed. Software developers have a rather daunting task keeping up with all of the technologies that they are supposed to be using.

When I had joined this job, and on the orientation day I was told that they look for “Life long learners”. I used to wonder do I really need to sit and study all over again even after having a difficult time at college, and yes it was true, learning here never stops. There is not a single day that I walk out of office without learning something new. And this is the only thing which is making me tolerate this kind of work.

Anyways lucky to be, I am working in a technology which hasn’t changed since in about 30 years. Its not that there is nothing to learn, there is, a lot of it. Vision plus or as in mainframes is an ocean of knowledge and no one can master it. It is just that I am a small fish in this huge ocean, and surely this being a challenge to dog paddle in these vague waters, it somehow feels good to learn something for real for the first time in my life.

Not the one who has been or can be a technical person for long while, am just waiting for the right time to let see where the waves take me.

And yes one thing that I am sure, that here or not – one this that is not going to stop is learning. As the only constant is change.

Quote Unquote

"The only constant is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be."
— Isaac Asimov

Monthly Recap

Long time that I had posted here, just all so busy with work.

So lets see what all did we miss here:

- Hyderabad Bridge is falling down: Very strange to see an engineering debacle in the age where at the same time elsewhere in the world we have engineers aiming the sky.

- More traffic jams: More diversions, worse roads and shortage of traffic controllers.

- A Twenty20 wonder: The country danced, sang and applauded together for our Men in Blue when they hit the world for a six.

- Match made in heaven: Indo-Pak Cricket match and that too a T20 Final. What else can you ask for? And then India taking the cup – wow!!!

-More N More work: It’s been a long while that I was able to come home when the sun was still out, just a parameter of how hectic my work is getting to. And again the same question still remains “What am I getting onto with this??”

Well yes that’s it; I guess nothing much more has happened actually.

SOS

This is an extract of a mail i had recieved from a teammate -- a matter very delicately and beautifully put made an impact on many, surely a pleasure to see so many people switching their computers off before leaving for the day. Here it goes :

Usually, I’m the first person to enter the module. My first glance inside is depressing. I see a lot of monitors flashing the beautiful screensavers (The point being waste of energy). As an educated citizen of the world, with the power of network at my disposal, I feel empowered to bring about a change in our outlook, for the common good. Today, I have penned down my feelings on that subject.
I believe that if this trickles down to all channels through you, the desired impact is achievable.

“
Ladies and Gentlemen:
We all have been reading about the nuclear deal and have formed our own set of opinions about it. Supporters of the nuclear deal primarily lend voice to our power generation needs and implicitly, about our appropriate utilization of what (energy) is produced. A broader aspect of the problem would lead us to the burning issue of Global Warming. One glance at the pertinent statistics would be enough to elicit a SOS call. Is anybody listening? And if one is, can one help!

The premise here is that we are concerned with what happens to our world, to our country & to us. If that were to be so, then, given a chance, we should be able to translate the thought into action. The actions were never going to be complex maneovers; neither were they going to entail giving up of our comforts, nor our precious time. Computers, all over the world, arguably, are believed to consume about 10% of the total energy produced in the world today. And we, simply by putting off our monitors in non working hours can cut it down to half i.e. 5 % - As a matter of fact, India’s energy production(electricity ) is less than 5 % of that of the world.

The above hypothesis, I wonder, deserves the sanctity of our action. Mine, alone is insufficient. We need the country to be sensitized on this issue, lest it were to assume monstrous proportions (which it will for the future generation). I solemnly urge you to think about it & commit yourself to the cause.
I, for one, will expect a lot of taunting reminder mails the day I fail to fulfill my commitment.

Thank You”

Atheism Vs Religion

Atheism states that nothing exists but natural phenomena or what we may say as matter. This definition means that there are no forces, phenomena, or entities which exist outside of or apart from physical nature, or which transcend nature, or are “super” natural, nor can there be. Humankind is on its own.

One of the first questions Atheists are asked is, “If you don’t believe in God, there’s nothing to prevent you from committing crimes, is there? Without the fear of hell-fire and eternal damnation, you can do anything you like, can’t you?”

Well it’s a debate for many atheists and the religious but I won’t take this chance for bash the religion or just praise the atheism. Just will present my thoughts in a very unbiased tone.

Actually the reason for the evolution of religion was nothing else other than people needed a force which could keep them from being evil, or just keep the evil in them in control. So won’t say that to create this ultimate force was wrong, or the force doesn’t exist. It’s just that the force is not really there other than the minds of the people who believe in it.

The whole concept started up quite well and healthy but as everything deteriorates with time, with more and more people making it their professions, more and more people making it a taboo, more and more people making it a political issue has made religion compulsory for us to survive in this society. Come on tell me, where can we find a school forms, hospital forms, passport forms, license forms without religion to be mentioned. Even the most prestigious business school of our country requires religion as a mandatory field in their admission forms.

But did we really need to have a force to govern us and keep us from doing wrong. Can’t we just imbibe the goodness in our hearts and pass it on to the future generation. Just to stay in harmony and without the religion ruckus will be so nice and easy.

This should not surprise us when we consider that among the societies of our nearest primate cousins, the apes, social behavior is not chaotic, even if gorillas do lack the reading capabilities of the religious scriptures, the young chimpanzee does not need an oracle to tell it to honor its mother and to refrain from killing its brothers and sisters. Of course, family squabbles and even murder have been observed in ape societies, but such behaviors are exceptions, not the norm. So too it is in human societies, everywhere and at all times.

See just when I was writing this blog, I got to know that there was 2 bomb blasts in the city with over 150 people injured and 45 death causalities. And as always was found that religious activist groups are guilty over this. I feel so sorry for these people and will like to ask these religious and politically motivated cult clans that what did they get out of this. No idea how can they help there religion or whatever they call it “jihad” or something by splattering blood of innocent people. As it is said “These activists truly don’t belong to any religion, all they belong to is the category of highly inhumane”.

Thereby I guess this society has made me move to be an atheist, made me believe that this religion is now not giving us what we made it for. On the other hand it is merely making us to kill mankind and the god within us.

Should exclamation marks always be scary

“Speak to me abt this on monday!!!”
This was something my Team Lead had written to me on Friday evening after I had left for the day. But it happened so that I checked my mail after getting home. For me what all matters is that its ok if I don’t do a job but I just shouldn’t screw things up. And the sentence made me think I screwed up something big.

Actually it was not the sentence but the three exclamation marks she had put after the sentence. Luckily it was nothing serious matter. But it created a fear in me.

What do we call fear of exclamation marks? Exclamationphobia? Or whatever.
A person who is not scared of ghosts, darkness, heights, speed, water, spiders, and all is just so damn afraid of exclamation marks. ;-)

Another weekend, movies, coffee, n ZZZZZZZZ

Chak De! India

The weekend started off with a movie I was waiting to watch. Though it was difficult to reach on time for the movie, was jus able to make in time with my excellent abilities to cut the traffic. And finally I was there watching it.

Surely Chak De India!! Really did chak some phatte. A story of a disgraced player gets his guts together to get the bunch of misfits women hockey team to win the world cup. A very well put on-screen cast which makes it look natural, not all glamour bollywood style.

Chak De! India isn't quite a Lagaan or an Iqbal, selecting the sport more trodden rather than the one conventionally heralded, and so it isn't likely to expect applause in the aisles as the team manages to unite together.

King Uncle gets a right role for his age, for that grey beard which started to show up on his face. The fit of Shah Rukh as a hockey coach -- inspiring, canny, frustrated, helpless and profoundly hopeful -- is so naturally perfect that it's a wonder he hasn't done a sports film before. It's been a while since we've seen him visibly relish a role like this, Swades was one, Khan was simply super.

Finally a movie to replace the Swiss Flower fields with Aussie stadiums, which another way welcomes the return of the king.

Wednesday.....

No doubt the day has the most number of letters in its name among the days. Because it stands for longest day as well.

It when i suffer mid-week crisis, a clear indication of the weekend is too far(2 days) and it was too long(2 days) for the last weekend.

And this is not the only reason for this feeling to creep in, its even that we have to wear business formals on Wednesdays. This is a mandatory dress code for Wednesday to make the day worse. You have to wear a formal shirt with formal trouser( the shirt better be in solid colors, strips and checks not welcome) with socks matching your pant colour and shoes made of dark leather. Well well well ... this is not it, to worse all this comes the tie, which has to hang on you till the end of day or you can even attract some fine.

But this week is not like the others, we have a holiday on the longest day of the week, its the Independence day.
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!

60 Years of Independence??

While on my way to office today, I had a small incident which made a huge impact on me.

I stopped at the Punjagutta X-roads as we know how the traffic conditions there are, it took me about 10 minutes right there. So I just turned off my car and was listening to radio. This was when i saw a small boy, maybe aged 12 selling Indian Flags. Generally I never happen to talk to anyone of them, but this time it was different, I felt like talking to him. I called this guy and asked him what his age was. This guy dint have an answer to that.

From his accent I figured out that he was not from around here. That was when he told me that he and his family have migrated from Kota, Rajasthan in search of jobs, which his parents dint have. I asked him does he know what he is trying to sell is. Yes he gave me a right answer that it was a Indian Flag. I was really surprised that this guy proved my thinking wrong. I really thought he is selling it merely for the sake of selling it and would not have know what it is. So I asked him that did he know why he was selling the Flag today. There I caught him, he dint know that. That was when I thought here we are celebrating 60 years of independence and what we have achieved. We have achieved to make an under-aged child, one who needs to be going to school at this point of his life, to have sell Country Flags on roads and even not tell him WHY.

I just didn’t know how I could have helped. Just bought two of the flags for have using up so much of time, but never thought that was the solution to the problem.

Movie Marathon

This weekend was the Movie Marathon Weekend. I guess I covered 5 movies. Wonder I can become or film critic now. At least then I can get paid for watching movies, and even then I don’t need to be working here. :-)

The movies go as follows:

1. Number 23 : The review can be seen in the previous post. The movie was outstanding, the one which makes an impact on a person.
3 1/2 / 5

2. Stand by Me : A beautiful story of 4 kids on their journey to search for a body of a small boy killed in a train accident. Worth a watch.
4 / 5

3. Live Free Die Hard : I’ll give it 3 ½ stars on 5 for this one, all credit goes to Bruce Willis for outstanding performance and action.
3 1/2 / 5

4. American Pie 5 - " Total piece of sh*t " not worth describing.
1 / 5

5. Fast Track – A total so so movie, very predictable story line.
2 / 5


But now its Monday, and as soon as I stepped in the Monday Morning Blues took on me. So the suffering starts again. And here I go.

Saturday Movie & Review

Its Saturday, so just took out time to cheack out a movie. Here is the my review for it :

Number 23
New dimension to Carrey,

Very surely this wasn't a movie i would have liked to watch, but very surprisingly too i loved it. The movie about obsession, paranoia are many to see, but this one was different. After this movie i was looking for the sums of 23 all over the place(names, birth-dates, time and colors). Guess this will remain for some days to come.

From the start the movie took it well, casting was amazing. 23 enigma ruled all over. To sum it up, very interesting though with some stupid things here and there, this movie is a winner.


"Be sure that your sins will find you out."

Memorandum Set ! ! !

Another week of tussle with my keyboard ends. From Monday to Friday my hits on the Enter Key gets harder and harder. And equally the computer pretends to respond slower and slower.

But anyways it’s a welcome weekend and something which I deserve.

Today finally after a long long while I have finally (at least) thought about what I wanted to do with my life. Though I am not planning to bail off this ecstatic life this soon, really its time to start making plans and working on them.

Why do I feel like an underachiever? Though I know I am not one but the feeling is still there. I know I am better than many many many of them but here I am not being utilized to the fullest. I can do much more than just sit in the cubicle and code or analyze a zillion line code. To overcome this I need to do something and today was the first step of the ladder.

Its LIFE ! ! !

Its time to take more frustration, this blog is becoming more of a punching bag for me.

Wont say i am wokring for peanuts, but not as much as it should be. You work long hours, sometimes extending 14 hours a day. Life seems so monotonous, so predictable.

Its like everyday i get up, to do all the things i already know i'll do. Same thing everyday, getting up 10 minutes late, rushing for bath, driving for an hour through herd of one of the worst drivers of the world, getting to my office desk to find work already waiting for me, working my ass off everyday, never be able to see the sunset as its never before that i am out of the office, again repeat the frustrating part of drive back home, tired and wanting to hit the sack but refrain doing that coz i need some refreshment, sit on net and chat with friends and finally i am away in my bed - to the way to glory awaiting for another gruesome day to start.

But again its LIFE!!!!

I Wonder

I wonder why am I not filling up the spaces here. Maybe not finding enough time, or maybe just I am lazy, or maybe i dont have anything to add.

Infact i think its i have nothing to write about. It has been few days over a year that i joined this industry. And yes thats the reason i dont have anything to say. No one here has anything to say, no one cares, infact we loose our will to say being here.

Working here we are devoid of emotions, optimism, creativity and most of the good things that can happen to a person.

When will the day come when i shall be set free from this cage. I Wonder!!!

Why this??

Sitting here I find myself not doing what I always wanted to. This is where I cant put my creativity to use. I couldn’t have even thought in my nightmare that I will be sitting in front of a black coloured screen marked with green characters for 14 hours a day.

Then why?? Why am I sitting here??

Life takes you places, and it has brought me here. I was never like this, I always wanted to work for a design institution. It could have been in advertisements, graphic designs. If not all that I wanted to be in the management side of the business. But see where life has taken me. Not a creative being in half a kilometer radius from me.

Its not that it has been a bad experience, and not even that I dint get to learn much. In fact I feel that at many a times I have over exceeded the expectations. But these expectations were never set by me, I had all very different set made for myself on which I haven’t started working at all.

Black, Yet Vibrant

The mainframe remains vibrant. What’s changing are the development environments and the variety of robust integration strategies. Today, these are centralizing around Web Services technologies. Gradually, developers and vendors alike will be forced to adopt a more fluid approach. What won’t change is the pivotal role of the mainframe.

Black, White and Green

Someone asked me "Why is your screen Black??"

Working on these same black screens for almost about 10 months now I wondered if even I knew the answer. "After all why was the screen black". Fine that this came out when there were no coloured screens but its been almost 20 years of coloured screens and still they are nothing but dull and black.

I would have answered it well. Knowing that I was using an old mainframe emulator on my PC could have answered him the same. But even knew that wasn’t the real answer to that question. I really didn't know the answer, using the emulator I could have changed the background to another color, since it's just matter of settings. But this question hit me very deep. It is not just matter of color; everyone recognizes that mainframe screens, also known as "Green Screens" are not known for being user friendly.

The fact that the Green (or Black) Screens is not user friendly is because u can get used to them but they wont mould to make your work easier.